Fic: 3 am

[twasadark]

Title: 3 am
Author: twasadark
Rating: PG
Genre: gen
Words: about 1000
Summary: Dean can't always wear his game face.
Notes: Set between "Long Distance Call" (3.14) and "Time is On My Side" (3.15). Thanks to martinemonster for her awesome beta-fu! Also, when I get around to podficcing this story I'll include the song "Storm" by Lifehouse, so feel free to listen to it here if you'd like ...

The sky is red, blood-colored, shot across


 

Comments

[redheadforever.livejournal.com]

Unbelievable. That dream, Dean walking along the tracks, vividly experiencing the journey on the way to being run over -- then waking himself up before impact to the lovely tune of a nascent panic attack.

And how does it subside? Sammy, showing a giving side he's woefully deficient in in Show. Hold him, it'll all be alright. I can see him having learned the tender forehead kiss and the innocent spooning from his own childhood, from Dean chasing away the monsters that couldn't be rocksalted out of oblivion because they came from the treacherous, tortuous white-hot-terrifying Id Asleep.

With Dean, the right to give comfort must be negotiated, pleaded for like a most complicated and probably painful series of most zealously desired sexual acts. Poor man, that the act of being given any sort of comfort throws him into such alien territory. Amazing conundrum, that -- he taught Sam to be normal well enough to fit in with Jess, but he has no give-and-take of his own when it would result in his being given simple human comfort.

I liked very much that this was gen. It needed to be. Dean needed to be physically and emotionally unattached for it to work, as unaccustomed to a touch of simple warmth as he is on the show (why the scene of his djinn-generated mother holding his face and the emotions ripping through his face like an innocent emotional orgasm [thank you, Jensen, for that thing of beauty] held such a degree of extraordinary power).

You got the night panic attack very well; a bit truncated and less desperate, but oh, a warm living Sammyblanket WOULD do wonders to shortcircuit the anguish, as we saw that day when his baby was among the missing.

So close to the end, and if he cracks, reneges to save himself -- and this for me is the most frightening torture of all. DEAN CAN GET OUT OF THIS, *ANY* TIME HE SAYS THE WORD. It means Sam's death, but Dean can live and go on while having skipped The Pit.

Even for Dean, the temptation must be overwhelming at times.

Damn, somebody needs to write a version of THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST, SPN-style. Pronto.

You podfic, and you write gloriously. Dang, a double-threat creator!

*roses and chocolates to the author*

Red

Happy Deanwoman happy to be FIRST! to thank you

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Oh, you RULE with the comments! :-) Thank you so so much for your kind words. They really mean a lot. Life has been pretty tough lately, but at least I can still write and hopefully bring a little bit of diversion to others.

As for a new version of The Last Temptation of Christ ... hmmm? I'll definitely read it if you write it! Maybe Sammy as Mary Magdalene? ha ha!

Thanks again, hon.

[muffaletta.livejournal.com]

Just lovely!

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :-)

[just-ruth.livejournal.com]

This is too real; we've all been there - awake in the night with your heart racing and knowing that there's no one there who can help. I was sweating with Dean.

Well done.

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Unfortunately, you are right - we have all been there freaking out about something or another ... thank God that my freak attacks don't involve going to hell, however! :-)

[irnan.livejournal.com]

Oh, boys. Dean's terror was heartbreaking, and Sammy not even saying anything, just there with him, arms around him... lovely.

*sniffles*

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

I didn't realize until you mentioned it, but yeah, I guess Sam didn't really say anything, huh? And neither did Dean. I suppose I dig the whole 'wordless communication' thing.

Thank you SO much for your kind words. You've made a rough day smoother. :-)

[apgeeksout.livejournal.com]

Oh, boys... Nicely done!

I like that you don't know it's a nightmare until the second paragraph.

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading and commenting! It makes me smile. :-)

[swanseajill.livejournal.com]

I really liked it. I know opinion is divided on the way Dean would be acting right now with the end so close, but I think it's totally realistic that he'd be having nightmares and that in the middle of the night he'd be threatened by full blown terror at the thought of going to Hell. Who wouldn't? He's not superhuman.

I thought this was beautifully done.

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

God knows I dissolve into terror at much lesser threats, myself! Thank you for your kind words - they mean a lot.

:-)

[kimmer1227.livejournal.com]

That was heartbreaking. It is human that Dean would be totally freaking out at this point. He's a big damn hero, but he's not above real human emotion. I can imagine all kinds of horrifying night terrors. Oh, Dean.

Sam was perfect. What can he really say. He offered the only support he could. His presence. Oh, Sam.

Great job.

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your kind words. They are like treasures to me. :-)

[lovetheguys.livejournal.com]

That was a brilliantly-written, descriptive story that had me hyperventilating right along with Dean. I imagine he's having a lot of similar nightmares, and I bet Sam is comforting him in just that way. Lovely! Love, Robin

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Thank you! You always have such wonderful comments! Smooshies to you! :-)

[iamstealthyone.livejournal.com]

He feels truly relaxed for the first time in … how long? A little more than 51 weeks.

In the last seconds of consciousness before sleep takes him, he wonders if he will ever feel it again.

Oh, Dean.

It hurts to think not only of what it'd be like in hell for him, but also of these horrible nightmares he'd have leading up to his demise.

Nicely done.

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon! Your comments make me smile. :-)

And I'm really looking forward to listening to The Cost on podfic. Weeeee!

[apieceofcake.livejournal.com]

I've been wondering if we would see this in the show, personally I'd like too..and then you write it :-)

Nicely done, thank you :-)

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Hey, I'd LOVE to write this into the show! If only they'd give me a call ...

Thanks for your kind words. :-)

[erinrua.livejournal.com]

This is just gorgeous. I'd wish they had a moment like this, when all we see is the fear and helplessness and the terror neither wants the other to see, driving them apart. I'd wish it could happen just like this, somewhere the camera doesn't see.

Oh, boys .... *wibble* Achingly poignant.

~ Erin

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Thank you SO much for your kind words. They are better than Reese's Peanut Butter Cups! (and those are my *favorites*). :-)

[anotherhack.livejournal.com]

good god, that stopped me breathing for a bit.

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Awww, thanks! It's so rewarding to freak someone out touch someone. :-)

[tahirire.livejournal.com]

I thought it was awesome. *hands you cookies*

So much heartache, and so much love between them, and they are such brothers that of course they never let it show. *wibbles*

This is perfect. :-) I hope your next week is less craptastick. :-)

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you SO much. I'm gobbling the cookies now :-). I'm glad you liked this little scene. Our show does bring out teh angst...

[may7fic.livejournal.com]

Gorgeous!

Damn, I want this deal resolved ... with the boys safe and whole!

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't that be great? I don't think we're going to get that anytime soon, though ...

Thanks for reading and commenting. :-)

[smilla02.livejournal.com]

Oh, Dean, sweetheart.
For some reason this He looks young. Feels young. really stuck with me. Like Dean would look at himself and see how young he is (to die). Too young indeed.

Wonderful descriptive little fic. And there was cuddling! I loved it.

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

I am a sucker for the cuddling. :-) Thanks for reading and commenting!

[tanpopo03.livejournal.com]

Oh the brothely love :D
That was painful and yet

[tanpopo03.livejournal.com]

Great, I accidentally cut off my own comment. I'm so smart.

Anyways, it really made me all warm and fuzzy inside even though Dean's pain was so palpable it gave me chills at the same time. Quite an accomplihment ^_^
*squishes boys*

[i-speak-tongue.livejournal.com]

That was absolutely hearbreaking and beautiful.It totally captured that terror Dean must be feeling. I kept thinking about that last scene in Long Distance Caller, and how badly Dean probably wanted a hug, and how badly Sam probably want to hug him, and GOD DAMN THOSE STUPID STUPID MEN!!! Get over your lame macho bullshit and HUG ALREADY.

This fic was like, my antidote to that. So thank you.

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Ha ha, I TOTALLY know what you mean about the stupid macho men!! I read an article wherein the Evil Genius Kripke admitted that he doesn't want the boys to hug very often because then it won't be special when they actually DO hug. Which is an infuriating attitude!! Anyhow, thank you for taking the time to read and comment. :-)

[el1ie.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that was just so...beautifully 'understated' I think is the word I'm looking for.

For anyone else at any other time a horrible nightmare, but this is Dean at THIS time and he's still trying so hard to be Dean for Sam and it's all coming undone as only things can at 3am in the morning, nothings really real at that time and nothing really lasts beyond that time.

You summed up the bereft loneliness of their lives wonderfully, with a tiny snatch of peace in all this turmoil.

Thanks so much for sharing

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments! You articulated everything I was trying to say with this piece. It's so gratifying to know that I've touched someone else - and I really appreciate you taking the time to let me know. I'm a comment junkie. :-)

[deluweil.livejournal.com]

Loved it! very well written:)

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon. You'll never know how much it makes me grin when someone says that something I've done is well-written! For many years, as I labored on my writing in obscurity, I despaired of ever getting it right. :-)

[jensenrick.livejournal.com]

You are awesome! That train imagery was so vivid.

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Awww, thanks! Thanks for reading and commenting!

[annarydell.livejournal.com]

Oh my. I downloaded the song and listened to it while reading. That was absolutely amazing. I actually teared up while reading. :[

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks, love! I'm glad it touched you. And thanks so much for letting me know. It makes my day. Or night. Whatever. :-)

3am

[(Anonymous)]

Really nice I like the symbolisism and enjoyed reading it. Especially Dean's understanding that he would push his brother away again. Thanks for writing and posting.

[cream-fudge.livejournal.com]

I heard this as an audiofic. I loved it! It's an enthralling, gorgeous and heartwarming story.
About the reading:
Wonderful as always! I've heard quite a lot stories that are read by you and I'm sorry that I haven't left a comment before, because you are defintely my favorite reader. The pace and intonation is absolutely perfect as is the sound of your voice. (I always envy people with a good voice, coz mine is so squeaky and thin)

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you so much for your kind words!! I'm so glad you liked both the story and the reading. You made my day!!

[minniemax.livejournal.com]

JCh on a pogo stick! I don't know how I missed it, but, girl, I've got goosebumps and thank God it's a bright day, because I wouldn't dare to sleep right now...
*shudders*

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Thanks! You'll have to go cuddle a kitty to make everything better. :-)

[atalantaj.livejournal.com]

This was so good. You did a fantastic job with Dean's nightmare. It was very atmospheric, creepy and real, and the fact that this fic took place before Dean went to hell made this fic really heart wrenching too.

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for your kind words! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. &hearts