Fringe and Writing

[twasadark]

I just watched the Fringe season finale (I know, I'm QUITE late) and I have to say: whut? So Peter fixed things by never existing? Then why did Walter go to the alternate universe to begin with, thus starting the interaction between the two worlds? That makes no sense. What am I missing? 


Warning: the below angsty ranting may make you hate me a bit. Please know that this is not directed toward anyone on my flist in particular, nor is it a plea to have you read my work, but rather it is just me expressing how I feel. 

It's been a couple of weeks since I posted my spn_j2_bigbang  and the response to it has been extremely underwhelming. I mean, I got a few really nice comments (which I appreciate more than anyone can ever know!!) and I figured that the category - RPF Gen piece with a het subplot - was going to make it difficult to find readers, but I didn't realize that it would be THIS difficult. Holy shit, but I think 5 people in all of fandom have read it, which is vastly disappointing given the amount of effort it took to write it.

Writing is always a balancing game for me - I have to write something that I feel deeply about and that interests me, but also in a way that is appealing to readers. I do care about feedback, of course, but if all I cared about was feedback then I'd be writing shitty, cliched J2 romance filled with kinky sex. That is not to say that I don't like J2 romance with kinky sex, as long as it's done well, but sex and romance seems to involve 99% of RPF stories and after a while I get sick of reading it, honestly. I love gen and it's the reason I got into fandom to begin with. I've read everything in fandom with the exception of Sam/Gabriel and I'm even willing to give that a go upon recommendation (I've got one of the Sam/Gabriel's Big Bangs on my Kindle to read right now) but apparently I'm in the minority. It's frustrating to me that readers are so narrowly focused on what they think they want out of a story that they won't give anything different a chance. 

So beyond the problems with categorization of my big bang, I am aware that there are other reasons people may have skipped it - they may not like historical pieces, or my summary may not have interested them, or I may be a shitty writer. Since I make my living writing I don't *think* this last is the case, but it certainly isn't beyond the realm of possibility. So much is subjective when it comes to writing and reading. 

spnanonhaven  did a post on the response to the 1st week of Big Bang stories and someone pointed out the paltry response to my story, which evolved into a rather long discussion on categories and so forth. Nothing about the discussion was particularly mean or untrue (and I appreciate whoever defended my choices in categorization and so on) but the upshot was that the whole thing made me feel like shit. 

My reaction was somewhat over the top, probably, since it involved weeping during yoga class, but it did bring up some deep-seated emotional crap that I was able to deal with. Fucking personal growth. It sure sucks sometimes.

Fandom has been such a blessing in my life in a thousand different ways, not the least of which is getting to know some awesome people. I've been feeling for a while that I spend too much time and energy on it, however, and this whole big bang thing has made me realize that if I want to get more readers for my fiction I need to look elsewhere. I'll still be here, reading and posting and whatnot, but I need to get off my ass and look for a forum/market/publisher/whatever that will appreciate the talents I have to offer rather than ignore them. 

Comments

[thatgirlsix.livejournal.com]

Hey!

So. I'm one of your readers who never comments -- mostly because I'm not very good with being constructive, good or bad -- but I'm offering *hugs* anyway. We all want to be read. Take it from someone who is NEVER read; we all wish we were. And underwhelming response can mess with your head like nobody's business.

The biggest thing? Just remember that you're writing for you. This is supposed to be fun. The rest works itself out.

Cheer up! As long as you had fun writing it, does it matter?

Happy writing!

(I don't read RPF at all, but I'll see if I can find something else to comment on then?)

[tahirire.livejournal.com]

I feel you. I'm in the middle of posting a fic that is probably the hardest fandom sell EVER. There are 57k of it posted, and as I don't read WIPs, I'm telling myself to wait to be annoyed until we post the third and final part, but 57k and ZERO comments is ... disheartening. At the least. Especially since it has over a thousand hits. :P

Oh well. My philosophy is, I write for myself and my friends, and if other people like it too, well then great. If they don't get to experience an amazing story just because they would rather read nothing but the pr0nz ... then that is their loss. Truly.

*hug*

[killabeez.livejournal.com]

Sympathy, sympathy, sympathy. Your story sounds very creative! (I peeked.) I generally avoid RPF (though lately I seem to be straying a little...) and almost never read RPF AUs, but I will give it a shot.

(If it makes you feel any better, neither of my betas actually made it through my BB? I don't expect anyone to, at this point. Wish my posting date was past so I could move on and write something else!)

(No, I don't know why I'm obsessed with parentheses tonight.)

ETA: Also, the Fringe finale didn't make any sense to me, either. I wondered if it was because I was only kind of half paying attention the last few eps. Haven't managed to rewatch them yet to see if it was me.

[bellatemple]

Oh anon meme. *shakes head at it* I offer virtual hugs. I haven't read your fic -- I haven't read any big bangs yet, as work went and got insanely busy, and honestly, I don't really read RPF AU -- but it sucks when something from fandom overwhelms you that much in real life.

Three cheers for personal growth, though?

I don't know what was said re: your big bang on the anonmeme, but it solidarity I offer up the anon who decided to comment that mmy SPN/Bones crossover "disgusted" hir because there's "too much Bones". Which somehow turned into a criticism of my not writing my story so as to win over "anti-fans" of the Bones canon.

I wasn't the anon who cursed said person out, but man, I really kind of wanted to be.

[jaimeykay.livejournal.com]

♥ ♥ ♥

I saw that discussion, yeah. Categorizing can be really difficult in some cases. I think it's better to list everything upfront, which is what you did, and I thought you explained it well.

I'm sorry that this whole thing made you feel bad. When you work really hard and put so much effort into something, you want to feel rewarded, and it's totally normal. I am being completely honest, it's definitely not due to shitty writing AT ALL. You're so unbelievably talented. I wish I could write like you. ♥

[ariadnes-string.livejournal.com]

I hear you! It sucks to write something that you care about and not get much response. Like you say, it's hard to balance writing things that interest you and you can care about with things that people read--especially if, like me, a lot of the stuff you care enough to write isn't romance (especially not "first time" romance). But, for me, anyway, when I try to write things to people's expectations, they kind of suck....(witness my summergen story last year, which not even the recipient responded to--and well, that's just rude!).

(I love your writing, but I haven't read your BB because I haven't read any BBs--no time, and, frankly, barely reading SPN at all anymore, for a variety of reasons, including that I find the fandom outside my flist kind of toxic (see above re: summergen))

Anyway--just wanted to jump in and say, yes, there should be a forum where your writing is appreciated, and say thank you for continuing to write gen (and het)!

[irishka1205.livejournal.com]

Right there with you on Fringe finale. Just watched it on Friday actually (the last 2 episodes of the season) and while the episodes were awesome, I'm confused by the ending. Time travel never really truly makes sense. And with Fringe especially since I assume Peter will actually be back (Joshua Jackson is the male lead so they can't get rid of him, right?)

[applegeuse.livejournal.com]

Ah, sorry bb. I feel very bad, since I saw your post for the story but haven't read it yet! It's totally on my list of things to do though. I'll push it up higher after this! :)

I haven't really been reading the big bang stories this year because I'm trying to work my way through the big bangs chronologically (and I'm still in 2008, with a few big bang podfics from 2007 I haven't gotten to yet!). I'm trying to make an exception for the big bang fics posted by people on my flist. Because, you know, that's what one does! So far though, I'm only 1/3.

I have never understood the appeal of gossipy anon memes, and I don't read them. I mean, I don't subscribe to Thumper's philosophy about only saying nice things, but people ought at least attempt to be constructive and respectful...which never seems to happen at those places.

[caz2y5.livejournal.com]

Now i feel really bad.

Im trying to finish my big bang (im in editing hell right now) and haven't read a single fic yet. Although yours is high up on the list because it is a historical piece.

At least the anons aren't saying its awful rubbish which im sure they will about mine once it posts.

and good luck with the original writing because it is such a better challenge than fandom any day!

[urania-calliope.livejournal.com]

Lemme express my sympathies as someone who is never commented on. One or two comments on my fics is rare so I understand how disheartening it can be. I think my brain is rebelling because now I'm writing in a fandom that doesn't really exist. There! Take THAT, now I'm like a goth writer in that I'm anti-comments!

[nickelmountain.livejournal.com]

Fringe: I'm waiting to see how they make that make sense. Thus far I've been really impressed with how all the threads they've thrown out there have been woven back into the overarching narrative, but...yeah, if Peter was necessary for getting them all to that point, I'm not sure how they can just erase him. Big logic problems there. Hmm.

Big Bang: *hugs* I'm sorry, that does sound incredibly disappointing. I don't generally do RPF, but it sounds to me like you did something interesting with it. I know just from watching amplificathon that there's a ton of J2 slash out there - is there really not that much J2 gen? Why not? People who've tried to sell me on RPF tell me it's not just about teh sex, so yeah...But I guess that's almost beside the point. The community let you down. That really sucks. I'm sorry.

I know you primarily as an amazingly awesome podficcer, but you definitely deserve to have people appreciating your talents across the board.