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[personal profile] twasadark
I just watched the Fringe season finale (I know, I'm QUITE late) and I have to say: whut? So Peter fixed things by never existing? Then why did Walter go to the alternate universe to begin with, thus starting the interaction between the two worlds? That makes no sense. What am I missing? 

Warning: the below angsty ranting may make you hate me a bit. Please know that this is not directed toward anyone on my flist in particular, nor is it a plea to have you read my work, but rather it is just me expressing how I feel. 

It's been a couple of weeks since I posted my [ profile] spn_j2_bigbang  and the response to it has been extremely underwhelming. I mean, I got a few really nice comments (which I appreciate more than anyone can ever know!!) and I figured that the category - RPF Gen piece with a het subplot - was going to make it difficult to find readers, but I didn't realize that it would be THIS difficult. Holy shit, but I think 5 people in all of fandom have read it, which is vastly disappointing given the amount of effort it took to write it.

Writing is always a balancing game for me - I have to write something that I feel deeply about and that interests me, but also in a way that is appealing to readers. I do care about feedback, of course, but if all I cared about was feedback then I'd be writing shitty, cliched J2 romance filled with kinky sex. That is not to say that I don't like J2 romance with kinky sex, as long as it's done well, but sex and romance seems to involve 99% of RPF stories and after a while I get sick of reading it, honestly. I love gen and it's the reason I got into fandom to begin with. I've read everything in fandom with the exception of Sam/Gabriel and I'm even willing to give that a go upon recommendation (I've got one of the Sam/Gabriel's Big Bangs on my Kindle to read right now) but apparently I'm in the minority. It's frustrating to me that readers are so narrowly focused on what they think they want out of a story that they won't give anything different a chance. 

So beyond the problems with categorization of my big bang, I am aware that there are other reasons people may have skipped it - they may not like historical pieces, or my summary may not have interested them, or I may be a shitty writer. Since I make my living writing I don't *think* this last is the case, but it certainly isn't beyond the realm of possibility. So much is subjective when it comes to writing and reading. 

[ profile] spnanonhaven  did a post on the response to the 1st week of Big Bang stories and someone pointed out the paltry response to my story, which evolved into a rather long discussion on categories and so forth. Nothing about the discussion was particularly mean or untrue (and I appreciate whoever defended my choices in categorization and so on) but the upshot was that the whole thing made me feel like shit. 

My reaction was somewhat over the top, probably, since it involved weeping during yoga class, but it did bring up some deep-seated emotional crap that I was able to deal with. Fucking personal growth. It sure sucks sometimes.

Fandom has been such a blessing in my life in a thousand different ways, not the least of which is getting to know some awesome people. I've been feeling for a while that I spend too much time and energy on it, however, and this whole big bang thing has made me realize that if I want to get more readers for my fiction I need to look elsewhere. I'll still be here, reading and posting and whatnot, but I need to get off my ass and look for a forum/market/publisher/whatever that will appreciate the talents I have to offer rather than ignore them. 
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